well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
