Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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