I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
