She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
