if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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