I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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