Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
