I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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