Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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