VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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