The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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