you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
