You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
