Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
