I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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