today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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