How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
