is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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