I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a search helicopter?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
