Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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