does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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