i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had sex on a roof
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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