my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
