google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
