What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
