I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
