i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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