Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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