Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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