I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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