Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
