Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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