He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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