so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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