wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
