Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
