So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
