i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
