there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we're so committed to being not committed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
