Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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