you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
