Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
