last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
