Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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