So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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