the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
