I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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