im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
