***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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