loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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