Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
