Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
