He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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