Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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