She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize