I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
