Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
