you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
