Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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