He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
