The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
