We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
