You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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