proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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