hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
