I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
