You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
