So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
