I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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