dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
