if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
