At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
