Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
