I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
