Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
