that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
