I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
